Secrets (shhh)

Hi cuties! So you know what they say, secrets secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone (That was, like, the ultimate comeback in elementary school. Ah, memories). Because I don't know any of you in real life, and you have no idea who I am in real life, I thought I would share some secrets. Everyone loves secrets.

What to start with. Hm. Okay, I got one. Well, sort of two in one. The first part is that I loved my ex boyfriend. Yeah, I could never say it to him, and obviously he didn't feel the same. Back when weren't    dating (just friends who liked each other, but never told each other, just sort of always knew. Does that make sense? Probably not), we had, like, this weird connection. We could talk about everything, and he could always make me laugh. He was so sweet, and we actually talked, like good conversation. We had a ton in common, and a super great friendship. It makes sense that I would fall in love with him. To quote the most wonderous book ever "I fell in love with him the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." We then had a months long fall out, and then by the time we dated it was never the same. The second part of this secret (By the way, not even my sisters know either part of this secret. You guys should feel special) is that I miss him. Really, really miss him wicked bad. I miss waking up to the kiss emojis, and having my first kiss, and holding hands, and being called beautiful. I miss being wanted. I miss talking to him. Sometimes, something will happen to me that I know he'd understand, or that I really want to tell him, but we aren't even talking anymore. The really sad part: he doesn't feel the same way at all. He doesn't care. He broke up with me for another girl, and didn't even have the guts to tell me that was why. He doesn't deserve to be missed; he deserves to be hated. But I cant. I just cant't

My second secret: I am not half as happy as I seem at school. I have gotten very good at faking smiles. I don't have any huge, major life problems, but even when something is bothering me I don't show it. I can't be sad or upset. My sisters, my friends, need my happiness. They have so much unhappiness, and I am their rock. I can't be upset too, I have to be there for them. My two biggest lies are "I'm okay", and "Its fine". Its hard to explain, but I did the best job I could.

Okay. Two down, one to go. Yay! My last secret is I struggle with perfection. I aim for perfect, and when I don't get there, I hate myself. The two options in my brain are Perfect or Failure. It makes life really hard sometimes, and I have been working on getting rid of being a perfectionist. It is better than it was in the past, but it is still there. Also, a side secret on this one is that I feel like I'm never good enough. Not for my parents, not for my friends, not for boys, and not for me. Yeah. Fun.

See? That was fun. Very... Therapeutic almost. Thanks for being my therapist guys. By the way, I love you all :) Thank you for reading! If you're new here, or if you've been here, thank you so much! It means a ton. Comment questions about me down below for my question post, or email them to me at heyitsmissem@gmail.com. You can also email me for  advice about ANYTHING. Seriously, I give great advice, plus I love to talk. So blow up my inbox pretty please ^-^

With tons of love,
Emma <3